Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The girl I met on the train...

Okay, so there's been more than just the one, but this one stands out.

She's a country girl with two older brothers, which prepared her well for putting up with me. I made fun of her straight out of the gate, and she threw it back in my face. Before the conversation was over, she was telling a gay guy on the train that I wanted him. BAD.

Honestly, she outwitted, outvulgarized, and outplayed me in a way that no girl has done since the ONE WHO SHALL NOT BE MENTIONED. It was fantastic. And at the end, I was in such awe, I didn't even ask her for a date. She passed ignominiously into the nether reaches of my past like any of the inconsequential wraiths I meet 100 times a day.

But this one was special. This one had a mind on her, and the spirit and chutzpah to put me in my place. This one will make some lucky man miserable someday, and I may never see her again.

One can only hope for another meeting of eyes and an impromptu, insult-ridden exchange on the train.

The Girl Who Couldn't Understand Sarcasm....

So I saw a cute girl who posted a "singles" post on an unnamed "social networking" site. I sent her dense-ass the following, and simply COULD NOT belieive she kept taking me seriously:

hello, "little miss adorable."

(my, don't we think highly of ourself! lol.)

But ok, I'll give you that. So, Hi. I'm Jon. "big mr. doesn't smell as bad as most guys." or somesuch. I saw your 'singles' post, thought I'd say hi.

Talk to you sometime?

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Ha.
Actually, I met a guy at a bar and the entire night that is what he called me....

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Ha. I see. He probably couldn't remember your name. That's always embarrassing. Anytime a guy surrepititiously calls you "princess," or "pretty lady," or "Hey! You!" that's probably what's going on there.

What is your name anyway?

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Uhm, no... he knew my name because he periodically referred to me by it and took my number and had already - without asking for it - entered my name in his phone....

Sometimes, SOME guys call girls endearing names to be jsut that - endearing.

My name is Erin

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Wait...what was it? Enis? Irine? Hey! You!

lol. Okay, okay. Just trying to badmouth the competition a little!

But endearing names? See, I tend more towards the cruel sarcastic jokes and backhanded compliments. Girls love that stuff. (I'm a noted authority on women). This is why I'm so overwhelmingly popular with the ladies.

;)

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A friend of mine has the same mentality you do it seems... he is now 24, a virgin, and has never had a girlfriend, but falls madly in love with girls, just can't seem to make it happen....

Guess that's where your backhanded compliments and sarcastic jokes that girls love getcha

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Wow. It's like looking into a mirror - You nearly perfectly described me. 5'3", 287 lbs, with club feet and excessive body hair.

I'm severely emotionally unstable, and cannot achieve an erection with women.

I'm but a clammy, pale virgin, bowing humbly before your beauty, and I am MADLY. MADLY in love with you.

Such is the ardour of my desire, It threatens to burst forth from my chest in the purest song of soaring agony.

Humbled before the power of my affections, I wrote you a sonnet:

Dearest Erin,

My emotions for you are so overwhelming, I'm actually writing this from a laptop in the bushes outside your house.

Girls love that stuff.

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You are a sick, sick person and should seek proffesional help. Adn I never want you to contact me again.